I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
