Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
