My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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