I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
