i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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