1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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