i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
