You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
