Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
