Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
