fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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