OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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