sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
