"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
