dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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