i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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