Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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