I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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