Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
