it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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