I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
