If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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