what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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