He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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