You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
