Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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