Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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