My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
only you would photoshop your dick
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
