I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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