It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
