hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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