Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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