New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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