the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my sisters under your porch take her home
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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