Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
