took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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