A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
