Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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