she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I looked at my own cervix.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
