this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
