That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
