Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is my gift to your gina
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
