Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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