I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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