I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's the barista slut.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
