Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
