I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
