The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
