Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
