It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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