I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
