How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
