Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
this hospital has no fireball
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
