Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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