My liver just broke up with me...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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