Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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