my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
