don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
