Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
