I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
