I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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