Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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