Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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