I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
