I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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