i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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