there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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