were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
