So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
