how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
