$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
