i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize