just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
