I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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