on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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