So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
