At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
