he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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