I feel like I'm in dance class right now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
