he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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