he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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